When everything is all over the place~

Having to juggle a few projects at a time is nothing new
It's all about teamwork
It's all about efficiency
But when everybody's schedules are all clashing
And everybody's priorities are different
It's really difficult to convince yourself to do that extra bit for yourself by contributing more
There's only so much one person can do
Why else is it group work?


"Social Loafing" is a very real thing
It happens because there is a few of us
It happens because we know or expect to be supported by our mates
It happens because we think there are people smarter or more hardworking than us
It happens because we overestimate ourselves in working within a tight deadline


But reality isn't that kind
In the end
Nobody does much
And everybody suffers the brunt


I cannot deny that I too want to social loaf
I cannot deny that I too want to leave the work to someone else
Yet because I believe in fairness
And because I want to be responsible to myself as well as to the group
I wouldn't just sit back and watch


It's not easy to be the one wanting to contribute to every single project
Yet not having the other members take the same pride and initiative to do the same


What results is
Extra work that is sometimes beyond my means
And due to personal limited ability and unequal output from the rest of the team
Average outcomes


I rather do one good project
Then try to handle so many at a time and end up with average projects


But as always
Unrealistic expectations

The Journey II - The Road to Self-Confidence~

Some people are naturally talented
Others have to earn it
Some people are naturally outgoing
Others have to force it
Some people receive encouragements
Others receive scorn
Some people are self-confident
Others look up to them and wonder how they could ever compare
Everybody's lives are so different
But does having the "best" qualities to start with assure the "best" outcome
Not necessarily, probably


Self-confidence is a very important trait to have in life
Doesn't matter if one is in the rut or in the limelight at the moment
The thing is that
We will all eventually walk out of the dark and into the light
What we need is to have the faith
That self-confidence
That we possess something that could change our own courses of life
Even if we are not blessed from the start


For me
There ain't many things that are proud of
I don't really boast that much because I know what I'm "capable" of
Is child play to many others who are more capable
(even this itself is an example of how I don't like to boast)


I'm always half in awe and half intimidated whenever I see or hear how awesome other people are
I reflect and ask myself why my life is so lacking of experiences
And whether at the speed I'm living
Whether I could ever catch up with them


And then I realized
We weren't even running the same race
Sometimes when you run your hardest but are still falling behind
Or when you stop in your track because you don't even have the will to run
It might just mean you are in the wrong race
That you are against the wrong competitors
We all need pacers
And if your competitors are way beyond your level
They aren't good pacers


I don't really know which race I'm in
Infact I don't even think I'm ready to run
But for now I'm training my stamina
So that I could one day tell myself 


"You now have a chance, run for it!"

The Effort Uncounted~

Just after all the talk about growing up
I find myself getting upset over a small matter
About a week ago
I started an email thread reminding my group to formulate MCQs for a project presentation
We had one week to submit for bonus marks
I had 2 suggestions
Could have come up with more but felt that I should not be doing all the work and that everybody should contribute
So in the one week we ended up with about 6 questions
At the one week mark
We decided to send 4
I asked "so who will send"
Someone said she would
I repeated myself
She nodded


Only on the NEXT NIGHT
I saw that the email was being sent
By ANOTHER girl
And so we got denied even the chance to get our bonus marks
It was just a mere 1-2 bonus marks
Why am I so upset?
My pro-activeness and effort simply went to dust
So much for trying
Now its all naught
Do they not care?


Sigh.

The Journey I - The Road to Adulthood~

I think most of us would have realized by now
Now - meaning I'm-university age
That we need to grow up
Real fast


Perhaps it didn't quite settle in a few years back
When we were still in JC, poly or lower tertiary level
We probably convinced ourselves we have another level of education to pursue
(unless we already decided to enter workforce)
So we were blessed with a little extra time


But the time always comes
That we realize we need to depend more on ourselves and less on others
That even if we don't want to grow up
We are expected to
Act childishly and be scorned at
Be dependent and be scorned at
And a failure to adapt to adulthood isn't exactly something that people would take pity of


Adulthood
Is harsh


Adulthood
Is even harsher in our current context
If it was a long long time ago
Perhaps adulthood meant having to get married (relatively young) & getting a stable job
Now adulthood probably has a few more requirements attached to it
That includes my all-time hated "competition"
Fierce competition that rules out the weak and incapable
The past wasn't as competitive was it?
Or is it simply my false impression?


2 years in university and 2 years to go
Is that all the time I'm left with to reach my destination?
To be able to say in a calm voice 
"I'm an adult now. I'm supposed to  I can handle anything"

Nobody should walk the road to adulthood alone

Its not impossible I'd believe

But it'd probably result in a pretty miserable adulthood

To steel oneself to grow up without love and support

The next 2 years ain't gonna be easy alright
These 2 years hasn't been either
Thankfully
There is family
Thankfully 
There are friends
Thankfully
There is you


<3

この半年間~

あなたと一緒にこの半年間は本当にすごく楽しかったです。

一緒に勉強したり、食事を食べたり、旅行をしたり、泳いだり。。

いろいろな事をしましたね。

初めての経験もたくさんあった。

時々、喧嘩があるのは当然だと思いますが、ちゃんと気持ちを相手に伝えれば、きっと大丈夫ですね。

だから、喧嘩は終わりじゃない。

ただ、「何が間違っていましたか？どうやって直せばいいですか」をよく考えさせられただけです。

だから、喧嘩は私たちをもっと仲良しになるために必要ではないか。

あなたがいるため、人生は思ったより楽です。

あなたがいるため、私のそばにいつも応援してくれる人がいる。

心からありがとう。

私の人生に現れて、ありがとう。

The Midterms~

Midterms are tomorrow
One in the morning
One in the night
A total of approximately 9 hours interval
I really do hope that is sufficient


Sometimes doing past year papers can really get me down
When I just can't seem to get the answer
Or if i eventually get the answer but take double or triple the time


The trick is to tell myself
That it is all worth it
That every effort counts
And that things can only be worse if I hadn't even try


And with this
I shall embark on my last struggle


Fighting!!

Deflated Balloon~

It's another one of those days
Where I feel like I'm a deflated balloon
There's a hole in me
And no matter how much you try to blow air into me
I just can't seem to puff back up

So just leave me be
Deflated balloons aren't worth your effort

I Shouldn't Have

After being the one to push you down
Causing you to fall and get hurt
How could I be so insensitive
As to complain about you walking too slow?

I'm am an idiot
I'm sorry

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The Undeserver~

I don't even know why I can think of a story at such a time
But here goes


START
-------




There was once a little boy that broke his mum's vase
He was afraid
He tried to clean up before his mum found out
But his mum eventually found out anyways
His mum was upset
Not because her vase was broken
But because her son had kept a secret from her
And that he could have gotten hurt
It was a careless mistake
The little boy didn't break the vase intentionally
Nonetheless
He was at fault for breaking it




-------
END




Sounds like a stupid story?
Yeah
No point really




Sometimes we try to cover up our silly mistakes
Sometimes we try to show the best of ourselves
Sometimes we try to pretend somethings never happened
Sometimes we try to forgive and forget
But
Sometimes certain things seen cannot be unseen
Sometimes certain things heard cannot be unheard
Sometimes certain things broken can never be restored to its original state




Now




What have I done?




I can't save myself

Which Step Have You Reached Today?

This image makes so much sense

I can't help but think about it

Which step am I at now?

Whichever it is

I'm moving to a higher place

The Four-Letter Word That Embraces It All~

The world may be harsh and unforgiving
Slapping you in the face for the slightest mistakes
Laughing at you for not being "good enough"
Leaving you behind when you are no longer useful




But look again
When the world turns its back on you
Turn your back on them and look behind you
And there you'll find those that truly love you
That have always been supporting you when you bravely tried to conquer the world
They will always be behind you
Putting in their time, effort, resources and everything they can
Just so that they are of help to you
And with their love and support
We always renew our strength to once again face the world
And fight the battle - life - that we all have to fight




I'm truly grateful for the army I have behind me that's always helping me watch my back
Nothing is more precious
*LOVE*

CNY 2012

Clara doesn't really dress in red

Clara doesn't really wear dresses to begin with

But CNY 2012 defied everything

It was great to have CNY lunch with the Ho family

We were all in red

How red is that?

 Your dad's a great photographer

*cross heart*

CNY 2012 has came and (almost!) went 

This year is the first year without my grandpa

(If memory serves, he probably didn't come to my house last year either, we visited him instead)

It feels warm inside to occasionally think about him

And to see his photo in grandma's room

CNY 2012 gives a very different feeling

To celebrate it with not one but two families

To eat as an entire family at the dinner table

To have conversations never really thought possible

To enjoy time together

Although meeting with distant relatives happens only once a year

But it's really worth pausing and appreciating that bond the ties us together

Cousin recently moved into their new house

They were the 3rd or 4th owners

Refurbished it and bought almost all new furniture

It was a very pleasant layout and design

Felt like home

And felt clean after clearing the old furniture

Just can't help but feel excited over what it is like to start with an empty house and to design it from scratch

Now that festive season is starting to dwindle away

And work is starting to pile up

I can't help but wish to sit back and hang out with my friends

After hearing that all of them are flying away these end of year

It's a little disheartening for me to be alone here yet exhilarating to know that they are all going to have such a blast in wherever they are heading to

2012 is going to be a awesome year

As long as we make it to be

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

The Reason For Crying~

I'm not sure who has given this thought before
But why do people cry?


That day you told me you thought people only cried for 2 reasons
I remembered one was during funerals but can't remember the other


I gave it some thought


The first thing that sprung up to mind was that
People cry because they are sad
They cry during funerals
Cry when they lose something precious
Cry after a quarrel
Cry because they failed an exam


Other things that sprung up to mind next was perhaps
People cry when they are in pain
People cry when they are in fear or extreme shock
But other than all these negative feelings
I started to think about what I would like to call "Happy Tears"


People first cry when they are born
When they take their first breathe and enter this world
People cry when they are touched by the kindness, no matter how small, that will always exists
People cry during reunions
After not seeing a loved one for long periods of time


I also thought that people cry when they are thankful
When they reminisce about the past
When they recall all the good times they have had
And how it'd be a pity to ever lose em for good


And the number #1 of Happy Tears
Is when people are told they are loved
When someone tells them that they aren't alone
And that they will always be there to support them
To walk with them down the road called life
Those must be the happiest tears of all


This is why
Sometimes crying is not such a bad thing at all
Its an expression of humanity
So cry
It's great to feel alive


:')

The First Post of 2012~

On 6 January 2012

Just before school began

3kgggg met up for a final slack around and bowling session

(:

I wanted to post much much earlier

On the dot on New Years Day

Laziness got me

The year has started pretty well

Meeting with friends

Fulfilling to-dos

"Easy" start to school and what not

I've been very apprehensive about school

I imagined all the worst case scenarios

And how I'd deal with all the 'damage control' so it is called

And I realized you are right

How I ain't helping myself

How I'm giving up too easily

How I'm not making effort in things that should be doable

It scares me all the time

How you had this brief hesitation 

Where you almost gave it a shot

And suddenly WHAM

You felt something

And you give up trying once again

There's just no end to it

I hate the way I am

But equally hate how much effort and courage it takes to change myself

I really want it simple

I know its not possible

The Last Post Of 2011~

Last night in Seoul 23 Dec 2011

It snowed that night

Just for us perhaps ^^

Taken at 63 SkyArt

Having Lunch at Heyri Art Valley

Our Legendary Cheese Ramyeon

Pokey Christmas Celebration at Tampines Starbucks

25 Dec 2011

Wina Birthday Celebration at 2D1N Soju Bang

30 Dec 2011

It's been a month since I've written on this blog

It has been such a fulfilling and exciting month

The first thing I'd like to do is to give thanks

Thank the Lord for his protection and love

Thank our parents for their love and support

Thank our families for their blessings

Thank our friends for their awesome company

Results for Year 2 Semester 1 was expectedly disappointing

Both of us refused to check our results while in Korea

I'm glad that we decided to do that

For it definitely would have gotten me down

But what I've realized is that 

No matter how hard you fall

You'd pick yourself up eventually

With some help from friends and family

And a little extra time

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Going to Korea in winter was a whole new experience

The cool cold air was so refreshing

It was my first winter trip

It was his first korea trip

And it was our first overseas trip together

(excluding the OCIP to Bohol)

What more could I ask for?

We ate quite a good deal of Korean food

We stayed in a typical Korean Apartment

Had awesome Korean breakfast

That seriously resembled dinner for its sumptuousness

Visited several lovely cafes

We learnt that we have similar styles of wanting everything planned out

Being prepared and fuss free during our stay there

I really enjoyed the hardcore planning with you

Thank you for spending all the time and money to visit Korea with me

12 - 24 December 2011

It was hell of a time there in Korea

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I was watching a Korean drama called Shining Legacy recently

It was about how a rich old lady wanted to give her inheritance to a total stranger instead of her family because they were all bums

My greatest take away from the show

Is how the grandma described the difference between a compassionate heart and a tender heart

A compassionate heart will feel sorry and pity for someone who is less fortunate but might not lend a helping hand

But a tender heart is someone who is unable to turn his or her back away from the less fortunate

To always extend a helping hand

And I ask myself

What has happened to my tender heart?

What has happened to our tender hearts?

Back in Korea

We passed be several old folks there

I was so impressed by how they were able to take the cold

And how they were still strong and healthy

Moving about freely during winter

And then 

There were the street peddlers who stood out in the cold 

Selling clothes, food and whatnot

I kind of felt sad for them

And can't help but wonder how their lives are

And now that I'm back in Singapore

It still bugs me and pains me whenever I see people selling tissue or begging for money

How many times have I walked away because I did not have loose change or was in a rush?

I need to find back my tender heart

We all should

--------------------------------------------------------------------

And towards the new year

I'm praying that we all put the bad times behind us

And start off fresh

With new hopes

And goals to work towards to

If 2012 were really to be the end of world

Lets make it count shall we?

^-^